Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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