im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
