Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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