failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I need moral support for this bender
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
