you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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