i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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