If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
