four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
