I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
