so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
