Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
