Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
