I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
