I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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