I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
