My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
