I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
