have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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