Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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