There is too much vodka and too much dick.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
