woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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