Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
