can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
