Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I yelled at your uterus for you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
