just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
