I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
