chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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