Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
