we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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