I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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