capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
