i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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