Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize