the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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