Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
