i permit you to call me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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