You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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