I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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