Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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