The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
