I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
