Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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