I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
