the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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