Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
