How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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