The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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