I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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