I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
