That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize