And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
