How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
