suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
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