Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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