whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
