youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
