I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
