I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
