sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just googled if crying burns calories
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
