At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
