He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My balls are so social today.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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