I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
