i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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