I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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