The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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