yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize