I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
