That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
