So drunk its hurt
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
