Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
