He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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