just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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