Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i've created a new STD.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize