I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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