Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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