If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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