my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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