if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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