Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
