I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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