he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
