Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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