so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
