My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
