I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
