giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
