you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
