You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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