I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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