Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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