I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
