What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
