I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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