so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
