He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
