Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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