i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
